Sunday, September 02, 2012

Nothing the God of biomechanics wouldn't let you into heaven for ...

I watched Blade Runner the other night, for perhaps the dozenth time.  A brilliant movie, obviously, with deep musings on the nature of life and consciousness.  It mostly relates to how other things besides humans can have that spark of life.  But not just that, Blade Runner is also a study in what it means to be a human ... for humans.

What I've been struggling with lately is what it means for me to be human.



Gaff: [voiceover] "It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?"


Tonight, it got me thinking that all too often it seems like I'm just sleep-walking through life. Especially lately.

Batty: "Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave."

Fear of failing. Fear of succeeding. Fear of change. A slave to conformity.

Is this really what I'm meant to do? Does it matter what we do each day to pay the bills? I think it does ... and I always have. I've quit jobs that paid better because I do not like others controlling what I do. I like having the responsibility, good and bad, for the choices I make and the actions I take.

I'm doing a job where I have all the control, but am I happy? This is not what I see myself doing for another 10 or 20 years.

I jump in and out of the lives of those friends I consider close. With those friends I've been lucky enough to encounter on the internets, my output and interaction is sporadic.

As a person of 43, should I have this all figured out?

What does it mean to be alive for me? I think it means to be constantly learning, to be intellectually engaged, to try and make my little corner of the world better than I found it, and to be someone my son would be proud of.

I don't really know if I'm succeeding on any of those counts. I guess it says something that I'm asking the question.



"... All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die"

4 comments:

wunelle said...

All this from Blade Runner? Ridley Scott would be proud! ;-)

But seriously. I think great art always does this, gets us to ask the most fundamental questions. Blade Runner is so brilliant exactly for raising such deep and fundamental existential questions.

I think few of us get to go through life having much of an impact. Our ripples fan out only a short distance (though your having a son brings consequences to everything--something of which you are keenly aware).

I think asking those questions is more important than any of the answers, really. There are a trillion ways to progress from cradle to grave, and it seems the best we can strive for is to be self-directed and eager to learn and to try and be a positive presence in the world.

But that's plenty and quite a handful.

CyberKitten said...

dbackdad said: What does it mean to be alive for me? I think it means to be constantly learning, to be intellectually engaged, to try and make my little corner of the world better than I found it, and to be someone my son would be proud of.

I think that's a *very* good start!

dbackdad said...

Wunelle -- I think I was already in a certain frame of mind when I chose to watch the movie. Its themes reinforced the things I had been thinking about, albeit in a much more stylish and entertaining way.

That's the nice thing about well made movies ... they have an immediacy that can impact you profoundly.

CK -- If there was one thing I might add to my list: To not be a total ass-clown. Mr. Romney, Mr. Ryan and Mr. Eastwood all failed this last weekend. Come to think of it, they fail on the other accounts as well (though Clint generally fairs much better on those counts. One hopes it was just senility).

wunelle said...

Luckily, Eastwood has some credit in the bank, so a bit of wackaloonery can be forgiven. As long as he doesn't make a habit out of it (i.e. so long as he doesn't become a card-carrying Republican).

Sounds like he made as much an ass of the convention and party as he did of himself, which is not a bad percentage.